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September 10, 2013

How to Get a Girl to Like You in Nine Easy Steps

Hi there. Today we’re going to cover how to get a girl to like you, if you are a guy.

Many of you have seen couples. Perhaps you’ve seen couples at the mall, on a park bench, on the bus, at a restaurant. Some of these couples may have been holding hands, smiling at each other, even kissing.

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Have you ever wanted to know how you can get a girl for yourself? Read on!

Here are nine easy steps you can follow to get a girl to like you. It really works!

1) First, you need to pick a girl. This is very easy. The best way to go about picking a girl is to find one you like. Ask her if she has a boyfriend. If she says no, then you’re set to move on to the next step. That’s it!

2) Okay, now that you’ve picked your girl, the next step is to by some new clothes. Girls like clothes. In fact, studies show that some girls only care about clothes. Isn’t that interesting? We thought so too! Getting the right clothes is a bit complicated, so you’ll have to follow these steps:

  • Go to the mall with a pad of paper and a pencil.
  • Find a spot to sit in the food court or commons area.
  • Look at what the guys are wearing and take notes.
  • Once you’ve spent an hour or so taking notes, take your notes to a clothing store and show them to the cashier. Tell her you want to be outfitted for a date. For ideas on how to look, try this.

3) Now that you have the correct clothes, the next step is to make a web page. Luckily, in 2012, there are many Southeast Asians who are willing to make a website for very little money. Find one here. Once you have a worker all lined up to make your web page, here is a list of things you should include on the site:

  • Your full name
  • Your desired occupation (don’t admit you’re not actually a lawyer or successful musician, just say you are!) You can worry about covering up the lie later. The immediate goal is for her to like you! Eyes on the prize!
  • Pictures of you hanging out with your friends. Pictures of somebody else hanging out with his friends will work just fine.
  • Write your first blog about how you just ended a five-year relationship because your ex-girlfriend was verbally abusive.
  • Links to sports sites: girls like guys who are into sports. This is very important!
  • A list of your degrees and awards. If you don’t have any of these, you might try browsing Linkedin.com for examples. When you find some that seem agreeable, simply copy and paste them into your webpage. Voila!
4) Girl, check. Clothes, check, Web page, check. Now you’re ready for step 4. This is an easy one.
For step four you will need to create an account on Craigslist. Once you’ve created your account, add a new posting for job-offered. In the post, simply copy and paste the following information:
  • “Need attractive female (aged 18-25) to accompany me to mall on  (date-time) for approximately one hour. Pay TBD.  Please attach photo for consideration.”

You should get a lot of responses to this ad. When you have settled on a candidate, you’re ready to move on to step 5. Don’t worry about the money. You can either pay her later or write a check from an old checkbook.

5) Take your Craigslist girl to the mall, and walk around with her until you see your girl. Try to walk past her at least twice. If she is not at the mall that day, you will have to repeat this step.

Once your selected girl has seen you walking around with another girl, she will be jealous, but that’s okay, Just move on to the next steps. Don’t worry, the next four steps get much easier!

6) Go back to the mall, she will definitely be there. Once there, sit down in the commons area, or anywhere she can see you, drop your head low, and put your hands on your head. Try to look depressed. This will get her to feel sorry for you and she may come over to console you. If she does not come over and try to console you, you’ll have to fall down somewhere in her vicinity. That’s right – fall down on the ground and grab your leg as if in pain. This will do the trick once and for all. It’s an old method called the Lawrence Nightingale effect. Use this opportunity to tell her how sad you are. Tell her that you tried to “write it out” last night on your blog, but it just didn’t help. Be sure to mention the web address of your blog. When she gets home, she will search for your page, read the blog you wrote about your ex, and feel sorry for you!

7) Go back to the mall. She will be there. When she starts talking to you, act like you don’t remember her, then tell her how pretty her eyes are. IMPORTANT: when you tell her how pretty her eyes are, be sure to seem bored. She won’t believe you if you seem excited. Try to continue the conversation for as long as possible, all while seeming depressed. Finally, ask for her phone number. When you do this, make sure to say “I just need someone to talk to.” If she gives you her number, you’re ready for the last steps! If she declines, you must take one of the following actions.

  • Find her number in a phonebook.
  • Ask to borrow her phone, dial your number, and watch those magic digits appear on your screen.
  • Steal her phone, dial your number, and watch those magic digits appear on your screen.
  • Steal her friend’s phone. Her number will surely be in it.
  • NOTE: if you have to steal a phone, be sure to throw it in the nearest river, lake or pond when done.

8) Now, you have her number, which means you’re almost done! For step 8, you should send her texts every afternoon around lunchtime. Some options for what you might say:

  • “I jst wnted 2 thank u 4 talking 2 me the other day”
  • “I could use a friend like u”
  • “my boss just promoted me, but I’m just 2 depressed to care”
  • “how many eggs should I use in a quiche?”
  • “omg dancing with the stars was terrible last nite!”

After a few days of this types of texting, she will already have started to like you. Only one more step to go!

9) Are you ready for that girl to truly like you? So are we! Here’s all you need to do to seal the deal:

  • Avoid the mall for a few weeks. Make her wonder where you are. Don’t text her.
  • When the period of avoidance is over, go to BoRics and ask them to shave your head. This can be done at home, but it’s better to have a professional do it.
  • Once your head is shaved, go back to the mall and sit in your spot. She will be there. When she sees you, and asks why you shaved your head, tell her: “My mom told me my hair was ugly.”

That’s it. After completing these steps, she will most definitely like you, or feel sorry for you. Luckily for you, girls don’t know the difference between feeling sorry for a guy and liking him.

There you have it. Hopefully these steps work for you as they have for many guys around the world!

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